At this point of my life, I am realizing that I am no longer a child who will cling on to somoneone whenever I get depressed. I am a young adult, facing all sorts of problems... too many problems that I do not even know what to first look into.
Despite my acceptance that I should be mature, I am still a cry baby. My eyes are pouring all the tears I have been keeping and trying to contain to myself for the past three weeks. The baggages that I have right now is more than what I can handle.
First, my father is pursuing his political ambition which we (his immediate family) are originally against of. It has caused big gaps between our family and our good OLD neighbors. On my case, I instantly lose friends. I just realized over the past 2 weeks that there is a silent war between me and some of my elementary classmates who are no longer approaching nor looking at me in the eyes.
Second, I am broke. Wala ng laman ang pitaka ko. For the past four months, I was the family's breadwinner. My mind is occupied by the bills, the groceries, plus the gasoline and the tollgate that I have to shoulder on our weekly trips to Pampanga and Cavite. Frankly, I am starting to hate holidays. I'm starting to question why we are so obliged to attend to these family gatherings while my cousins are not even taking this seriously. (oh well that's another issue)
Third, my eldest brother is so inlove that he has this "you and I against the world" drama with his comeback girlfriend. They are forgetting the fact that kuya's not in good terms with the girl's family... Both of them are currently unemployed... Not to mention all those issues that might arise because of those socially imposed definition of what a respected couple should be.
Fourth, my closest college friend needs comfort in managing her family issues; her mom who is suffering from cancer, her financial obligations, the gap between her family and her relatives. I have to always be strong and cheerful in front of her since she's getting her strength from me.
Fifth, my expected stress free bonding with the girls last night ended up to be another depressing event for me. Our girlfriend's 2 month old baby is not in good condition. This morning, while talking to the doctor with the girls, I do not know how to control my tears as the gastro pedia is telling us that our bunso has to undergo liver biopsy. The first batch of test results inclines that baby has biliary atresia. Right now, we are still holding on to the slim chance that bunso's problem is neonatal hepatitis. We do not know how to sound optimistic to our girlfriend and make her feel better after the doctor's advise.
Sixth, today, my two beloved brothers just ended up with a fight because of the sinful money. They never had such huge misunderstanding before. What hurts more is that it is all because of money. Both are raising their voices in front of our parents. I can't choose side since both are mad and both have their own reasoning. It seems like no matter what I do, everything is not going on my way. After following my kuya downstairs and successfully convincing him not to leave and just go back home, I saw my younger brother... he's dressed up and ready to leave. This time, my convincing power did not work and he still left. I don't know where he's going or if he is coming home tonight. I barely had sleep last night and it seems that I shall be awake again for most of the night calling my younger brother and convincing him to go home.
Right now, my mind is occupied with too many things. I'm so tired and sleepy. Pwede bang bukas na lang ulit ako mag-isip, mamroblema at maghanap ng solusyon? Kakapagod na kase.
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